


already gone

by ahale



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Reggie Peters, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Reggie needs a hug, Sad, Unrequited Love, but not really, depressed reggie peters, pan luke patterson, reggie's sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28519689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahale/pseuds/ahale
Summary: Reggie took that as a hint that maybe they didn't care about him as much as he thought they did.Or, Reggie distances himself from the band, but they're determined to find out why and help him feel loved.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 138





	1. Prolouge

All his life, Reggie had to watch people pick everyone but him.

His parents were the worst. They chose each other over their son. Even through the screaming matches and the broken glass that seemed to be littered on the kitchen floor every night didn’t keep them apart. Reggie, and as selfish as it may be, had hoped that the next fight was the last straw. He hoped that the good grades he worked so hard for would make his mom acknowledge he was there. He hoped that one day, his parents would choose him.

It wasn’t much different when he met Luke, Alex, and Bobby. Sure, he doesn’t know what he would do without them. They’re his best friends. But then again, everyone’s his best friends, while he’s no ones.

Alex and Luke had chosen each other over him. He even witnessed it first-hand. It was in the way that Luke would ask Alex to hangout, only for him to say he can’t, then turned around like the only thing Reggie’s good for is being the second option. It got gradually worse when Alex and Luke started dating. They kept it a secret, but Reggie’s not as dumb as everyone makes him out to be. He noticed the lingering touches. He noticed the brightness of their eyes when they looked at each other. He noticed the sneaking away to spend time with each other. Alex started blowing off his plans with Reggie, spending time with Luke instead while Luke locked his windows and kept the curtains closed in case he needed to get away from his homelife. It hurt more than he wanted to admit to himself, especially with the newfound feelings he had for his best friend.

Then, the brightness left and the sneaking around stopped. They broke up, and a selfish part of him was glad. He hated watching the one he loves be with someone else. He hated being the one Luke didn’t pick.

Once things got back to normal with them, the same routine clicked back into place. Reggie got more anxious, nausea settling in his stomach whenever he thinks about it. He stopped sharing a mic with Luke, he stopped clapping back at Alex’s sarcastic comments, he stopped confiding in Bobby.

Because of his parents, Reggie came to the conclusion that nothing lasts forever. People leave, and the best way to prepare for that is to push them away first. So, that’s what he did.

But then they died, and no one had time to question anything because they were in the dark room for 25 years.

Then they came back. And for a bit, Reggie thought things would be different. He saw it as a second chance, that maybe he’ll finally be picked first.

He was wrong.

Then comes Julie and Willie. Now, instead of Alex, Luke chose Julie. Instead of Luke, Alex chose Willie. A part of him is wondering if he was even an option at all.

It leads them to where he is now. They were all in the studio, sans Alex who was out with Willie. He was sitting on the couch, staring at the wall on the other side of the room as Luke and Julie did sometimes that he didn’t care to pay attention to.

It was one of his bad days. He was remembering his parents. He was remembering the childhood he never got to have. The screaming and shattered glass and the faded bruises on his skin went around his mind like a broken record.

He wanted to talk to the guys, anyone really. But when he asked Alex to stay at the studio, he got a “I’ll see you later, Reg.”

“Luke?” He whispered quietly.

“Busy, man.” Luke had waived him off. Julie didn’t even look up from the piano at the crack in his voice. He quickly sat back down on the couch, shaking as flashbacks ran through his head. Even in a room full of the people he loved, he has never felt so alone. These people were his best friends, or at least he thought anyways. They were the only family he had left.

With that in mind, he remembers what he learned growing up. Nothing lasts forever, and now, he supposes that’s true. He never would’ve made it to the very end with them, anyways.

His feelings were trying to crawl their way up his throat, eyes watering. He didn’t let them fall, not wanting to burden them with his own problems. Instead, he put on a fake smile when Julie asked him a question and pretended everything was fine. He can feel himself letting go, feeling himself break. He could feel himself closing in on him.

He wanted to get away. He wanted to disappear, so they won’t have to deal with him anymore. He wasn’t to go away so his feelings for Luke would disappear. He wanted to leave a band so they can find a bass player who’s actually talented.

But, as selfish as it sounds, he can’t. They’re all he has left. Instead, he pushes. He pushes them away, distancing himself so he won’t show too much emotion.

Once Alex came back, they had a movie night. Reggie took the floor, not wanting to sit too close to the others. Looks of concern flashed across their faces as Luke let out a small, “Reg? You okay? You know there’s still room for you.”

Reggie simply nodded, turning back towards the TV.

What he didn’t see was the way the worry that was rushing through their body became more obvious on their face. They don’t say a word, though. Instead, they go back to watching the movie.

Reggie took that as a hint that maybe they didn’t care about him as much as he thought they did.


	2. Chapter 2

Reggie never in a million years would have thought that ghosts could feel just as much as living people could. It disappoints him, really. He thought about death multiple times; whether to escape his parents or to stop feeling like he did on his bad days. Now, very much dead, he realizes that the only thing dying can do is create more problems. It creates a longing for the things you never got to do, regret for everything that wasn’t said. 

So, yeah. When Reggie woke up the next morning, sad and alone in the studio, he felt like shit. His body felt heavy, which was nerve-racking to him due to the fact that he’s practically made of air. He slept through the whole night, yet he feels as if he closes his eyes, he’ll be asleep in seconds. It was like all the joy left him, leaving behind an empty shell of someone who used to be filled with so much happiness. 

His bad days usually only lasted just that, a day. But now, it’s been a week since he decided the best thing to do was distance himself from the others. It’s been a week since he woke up alone in the studio, still feeling the effects of one of his bad days. While unusual, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt empty and sad at the same time. 

The others seemed to catch onto what he was doing, distancing themselves from him as well. He would go take a walk, only for him to come back to hear them laughing and talking in the studio, ignoring him when he walked in. He slept most of the day if he wasn’t walking around LA. He barely makes it through band practice, closing in on himself as soon as it’s over. 

Waking up alone in the studio became a reoccurring thing. He didn’t know what did it, really. He knows it’s his fault, pushing away his friends. Maybe it was the way his friends seemed to stop caring about him. Maybe it was the way he heard Luke and Alex whispering about him when they thought he was asleep. Or maybe, it was the way he was always alone in the studio, being stuck in an endless loop of longing for what used to be. Whatever it was, he broke. 

Tears ran down his face as he looked around. He could remember the exact place him and Luke would stay up all night when both needed to get away, either in silence or talking about the most random things. He could remember the spot he held Alex when his parent’s acting cold towards him really got to him. He remembers the places Bobby would nap, not getting much sleep due to taking care of his siblings most of the time. All those times were gone in a split second, replaced by memories that would eventually fade.

He let out a loud sob, breathing heavily. He was so caught up in his head, he didn’t hear the studio door open. 

“Reggie?” His head snapped up at the sound of Julie’s voice. “Oh my God, what’s wrong?”

She rushed over to him as he tried to wipe his tears away quickly. He scurried backwards, letting out a loud “No!” that made Julie stop in her tracks. Hurt flashed across her face, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He didn’t care about much, these days. “I’m fine.” He said, voice cracking as he couldn’t get the tears to stop.

“Reg.” She said softly, staying in place as to not scare him away. “You’re clearly not. You’ve been off all week. You know you can talk to me, to us. We’re here for you.”

Before he could respond, Luke and Alex took that moment to poof in, laughs caught in their throat. Their faces quickly dropped as they took in the scene Infront of them. Julie was standing off to the side of the pull-out bed, tears in her eyes. Reggie was wiping tears away from his face, groaning when he couldn’t get them all away fast enough. 

“What the hell?” Alex muttered to himself. “Guys? What’s going on?” 

Concern was written on their faces, but while it was mainly directed towards him, Reggie couldn’t bring himself to believe that. 

“Nothing!” He said too quickly. “Everything’s fine.”

“Thing are not fine!” Luke spoke up. “You’re not fine. What’s going on, talk to us.” He said loudly.

They started making their way over to him, hoping to give him some sort of comfort. Instead, Reggie jumped up, making them stop in their tracks. “Just stop.” He shouted. “Stop pretending you care. It’s exhausting!”

The three of them stared on in shock, hearts breaking at the pained tone coming out of the same boy who went out of their way to make sure they were happy. It felt wrong. “I just.” He started. “I gotta go.”

“Reggie, wai-“ Luke started, cut off by Reggie poofing out of the studio. 

“Did we do that?” Julie asked in a small voice, pointing towards the spot Reggie stood a few seconds ago.

The others were quiet for a second. They all knew Reggie was having a bad week. The guilt of not saying anything had gotten to them, but they all three decided to give him space. A part of them knew they should have talked to him in the first place. They knew him. They knew that he would go as long as he could without talking about his problems, hiding it as to not burden others. They knew he’d reach a breaking point, yet they pretended everything was fine, assuming he’d come to them on his own terms. They thought that, if they pushed, he’d close up and not say anything at all. He seemed to do that anyways. They knew he had a bad week, they just didn’t know how deep it actually went. 

“I’ve seen him sad before. I’ve seen him upset with his parents, I’ve seen him upset with the people at school, but I’ve never seen him this bad.” Alex let out. 

“Yes, we have.” Luke whispered, not sure if the others would catch it.

“What?” Julie asked, walking closer to him.  
A look of realization crossed Alex’s face, replaced by sadness in a second. “We have. Right before we died, he was so off. We were trying to wait for the right time to talk to him about it. It was so bad, we thought he was going to quit the band. But then we died, and we just didn’t have time, I guess.” Luke explained, sadness in his voice.

“Didn’t have time?” Julie looked angry, though she isn’t sure it’s at them despite her words being directed towards them. 

“I don’t know.” Alex said quickly. “We just… I don’t know.” Tears were threatening to fall as he sat on the opposite side of the couch. 

“Why are you sitting?” Julie asked. “We need to go find him! We need to make sure he’s okay! We need to-“Her tears were falling now.

“Julie.” Luke cut her off. “If we go now, he’s just going to close in on himself more. We need to wait until he comes back.”

“If he comes back.” Alex mumbled, but it went ignored. They all hoped he would, but no one could be certain.

“We already tried giving him space. It just made everything worse!” Reggie was like an older brother to her. Seeing him in so much pain broke her heart.

“I know, but we know how he is after a breakdown. He’ll come back when he’s ready. Us going to find him will just make everything worse. The best thing we can do now is to figure out how to fix it when he does come back.”

Julie sighed as they took a spot on each side beside Alex. “I hope you’re right.”

Reggie walked for what felt like hours. He finally stopped crying once he made it to his old neighborhood. He sat in the sand on the beach right where the water couldn’t get him. Everything that happened in the past built up, along with everything the past week.

Suddenly, he remembered Alex’s story of how him and Willie screamed in a museum and how it made them feel a lot better. So that’s what he did. He screamed,

He screamed loudly. He gripped his hair, pulling it as his tears fell once more. He screamed for the friendship he’s losing, he screamed for his parents. He screamed for Bobby and Sunset Curve and all of the things they never got to experience. He screamed and screamed until his voice went hoarse. 

“It makes everything feel a bit better, doesn’t it?’ 

He jumped, quickly turning around to see Willie standing behind him. He couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed. Instead of replying, he just shrugged. He was hoping Willie would leave, but instead he took a seat beside him.   
“I’m not gonna ask you if you’re oaky, because clearly you’re not. But I am gonna ask if you wanna talk about it?” Willie asked carefully. While he doesn’t know the extent, he knows the pain in those screams. 

“Things just haven’t been great.” Reggie shrugged. He isn’t sure why he’s telling Willie this of all people when he knows he could easily go back and tell the others. It would defeat the whole purpose of why this even started, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. “I really don’t understand. I’ve thought about dying so many times when I was alive. It seemed like the easiest solution to my boat load of problems. But now, I’m dead and all I want to do is sleep all the time, I can hardly get myself motivated to practice with the others, even when it was something I loved. Dying gave us so many more problems, and now I just want to die again.”

Despite not knowing him very well, Willie’s heart broke at Reggie’s words. He knows what he’s going through, being in a similar situation himself. “Have you talked to the others?” 

Reggie shook his head. “No, I don’t think they care all that much.”

Willie stared at him, eyes wide. He was waiting for Reggie to say he was kidding, but it never came. “You… you really believe that, don’t you?”

Reggie shrugged, looking anywhere but Willie. “Reggie, you need to talk to someone. You’re depressed.”

Reggie’s head snapped towards the other boy, eyes wide. The puzzle pieces were coming together, how he felt before they died, how he felt now. He realized that the reason he was okay in the beginning was because he had so much distraction, not being able to think about how he felt properly. 

Reggie looked at it as another problem he could burden people with. 

He shook his head, not wanting anyone to see him like this. “Could you go, please? He whispered. “I just want to be alone right now.”

Willie sighed but nodded. He poofed away without another word. Reggie sat there, staring at the water while wishing those jolts would have just destroyed him.


End file.
